Thriving Beyond Trauma: Embracing Life After Sexual Assault

In order to help others heal, I know I have to share my story, including the happiest and darkest periods of my life. Among the many traumas I've endured, I've been sexually assaulted twice, both times by men I trusted and felt comfortable with until they turned.

I wouldn't wish this experience on my worst enemy because surviving that moment changes your life forever.

Some have asked me why I bother leaving the house at all after the second time. Why dress a certain way? Why not avoid flirting?

The answer is simple. It took me years of tears to heal, to rebuild trust, and to rediscover my identity. I've seen others who've been through similar experiences never find healing, and I refuse to live my life that way. I won't live in fear, and I won't let those assholes define my existence or keep me trapped.

I choose to thrive and refuse to let any fucked-up moment alter my life negatively. It feels like I've always been fighting to be myself, while others try to box me in or force me into one. Both moments shattered not only my heart but my soul. It's far from easy, especially for someone who has been molested. I've questioned myself endlessly—what could I have done differently? Was I too good of a friend? Did I say something wrong? Did I deserve this?

Eventually, I realized I was stuck in a victim mentality and had to train my brain to break free. I had to teach myself not to victimize my rapists and not to dissociate because I refused to let it happen again. I learned how to defend myself both physically and mentally. It took years of pushing myself every day until I finally felt liberated.

Healing is an ongoing process as certain triggers still affect me, but not as intensely as before I began healing. The more I healed, the less anger I held towards the world, and the happier I became to have a life. My perspective on the world transformed.

Many people may say to me what I used to say years ago: "It's not that easy." And no, I'll never claim it's easy to deal with any trauma that fundamentally changes your core, soul, and heart. But you have a choice to make—will you allow someone else's actions to condemn you to a life of hell, or will you fight like hell to create the life you deserve?

It's a choice you must make every day. You have to choose yourself every day, no matter how difficult, and give yourself the unconditional love and support needed to heal.

Everyone's healing journey is unique, and it's important to find what works best for you. Remember, there is no time limit to healing, and each day is a step forward. Take ownership of your healing process and don't let others dictate your path. Life may throw challenges, but they also provide opportunities for growth and learning. Stay focused, keep pushing forward, and trust that you will eventually reach the other side of the rainbow. You deserve a life filled with love, joy, and healing.

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